Should you put a ring on it?
A little while back I mentioned a walk along the beach at Ipanema – the volleyball and slacklining, the hotties and the notties lounging on the beach. But the thing that really got me that day was the people (or to be more specific, the women) wandering along the pavement (sidewalk) next to the beach.
It is important to wear the correct protective clothing when rollerblading…
It had been a while since I’d wandered along this path, but I had an old friend from England visiting and it was a nice way to spend an hour with her, slowly sauntering alongside the beach, catching up on news from home, chatting about Rio, watching the people go by.
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| These pathways are not so busy during the heat of the midday sun. But once the sun starts to fall, they become crowded with people wandering, jogging, longboarding, cycling and so on. |
But as we wandered, I noticed that quite a few women, some walking, some jogging, were catching my eye as they passed. Now this ties in (but contrasts) with Adam’s recent post over at Eyes on Brazil. Adam highlights how difficult it is to catch a woman’s eye here in Rio and suggests that this is because of the rather full-on behaviour of Brazilian men. I have noticed this phenomenon too – many carioca women will walk down the street with eyes fixed to the floor, shunning all unsolicited attention!
And this is what made all this eye contact so surprising to me. I don’t know the exact reasons behind it – perhaps because these women were jogging they felt more secure to look around, happy in the knowledge that they were already running in the opposite direction from the people they were checking out! Perhaps the fact that I was walking alongside a girl made me appear taken and therefore less threatening?
That last point ties in with something interesting my wife said to me recently. I had taken my wedding ring off because I had been doing some work around the house. I was just about to go out and I said jokingly “I’d better not forget my wedding ring or I’ll be fighting the women off!”. She replied “Ha! The ring won’t stop them – it’ll encourage them! Many women here see a wedding ring as a seal of approval – that a man is good enough to have found a woman who’ll marry him!”.
Of course she was joking and generalising – nothing like all Brazilian women are like that – but she maintains that there is a grain of truth here. Eyes On Brazil is all about highlighting contrasts between Brazil and the US. Well I can’t speak for the US, but in England I know that if you wear a wedding ring you are telling everyone that you aren’t available. It’s one of the first things single people check to avoid wasting their time. If a married guy wants to fool around, I’m pretty sure he would remove the ring.
I’m interested in this supposed difference. Is it genuine? If so, what is behind it? Either way, my advice to Adam is: get yourself some running shoes and get jogging!
! The ring won't stop them – it'll encourage them! Many women here see a wedding ring as a seal of approval – that a man is good enough to have found a woman who'll marry him!".
my american friend said the same thing happened to him in the US
its not a brazilian thing at all. its international
Hi Anonymous! Thanks for this, I can well believe it. Much of my perception of how guys with wedding rings are treated is guesswork as I've only been wearing mine for a year and have only spent 2 weeks of my married life out of Brazil. I should hasten to add that I've certainly never had any attention from Brazilian women – well, just one :)
I have to disagree with Anonymous. I believe it is more a Brazil thing – men definitely don't care if I'm wearing a wedding ring. In fact, many Brazilian women (especially those in older generations, though) 'understand' that being married still means that your partner will most definitely sleep with other women.
A student of mine echoed that as well – he said he doesn't believe that people should go against their natural instincts, and most natural instincts are to be attracted to other people (the opposite sex in his case) and sleep with whoever you fancy, married or not.
Wow, this is very interesting.
I hope I don't appear threatening when I'm Rio. Maybe I'll just wear a clown mask or something (I'm kidding.)
Abracos,
Alex
there are MANY reasons why one might be attracted to a married guy / lady….just a few e.g.:
People want what they can't have.
People are competitive …they want to prove to themselves or to others they can have him/her.
People love to play games.
People like to suffer ( unconsciously or consciously)
People want to destroy what they cant have ( family / marriage)
you can find tons of books about why many will fall for married men or women.
It is proven by anthropologists that any race, religion , time, kin , nationality , gender , colour , whatever you wanna call it in history cheated more or less than any group today.
From the outside they may seem different .Arab men , famous for staring at women , by no means cheat more than a chinese , a greek or a peruvian for example.
Lindsey you cant be that naive come on…
Only brazilians think people shouldn't go against their natural instincts,….?? For centuries people have being having affairs and philosophers have been discussing how good or bad our natural instincts and some saying how impossible married life is.
Just to clarify, I'm not suggesting that cheating in marriage is purely a Brazilian thing or even that it is more common here.
My question was regarding the wedding ring itself in the context of a bar. I would say that in the UK, wearing a wedding ring is the same as wearing a sign that says "Don't bother hitting on me, I'm taken and am not interested in cheating". Men who *are* interested in cheating, take the ring off! From what my wife said, that isn't always the case here. That's not the same as saying Brazilians cheat more.
From the woman's side, I've actually seen my wife have to hold up her wedding ring a couple of times and as soon as the guy has seen it he's smiled, apologised to me and made a quick exit!
Sometimes I think I should change the subtitle of this blog to "When I highlight differences, I'm celebrating them, not suggesting superiority!". Seriously, I've said it before, I love the fact that there are differences between countries and cultures – it's what makes travelling so interesting. And if I thought Europe or the US were so much better than Brazil, I wouldn't have chosen to live here. Just wanted to clear that up :)
I should add that both times my wife has held up her wedding ring, the guys has asked "so where's your husband then?" – when she's gestured to me, *that's* when the smiles and apologies start!
Tom I agree w all you said (except the part regarding the ring itself as I think a lot of girls get even more attracted to the guy when they see he is already married).
enjoy Rio!
Hey Anonymous (a *different* anonymous I'm guessing!). Good to hear from you (I always like it when people agree with me!!).
"Sometimes I think I should change the subtitle of this blog to "When I highlight differences, I'm celebrating them, not suggesting superiority!"."
Humn, I prefer to highlight differences and celebrate my superiority, to then suggest that others follow suit (call me generous).
I guess we're different. Yet if you change your mind feel free to use my words, mentioned above, as a subtitle (… and there's that generosity again).
Bom domingo para todos, seus inferiores :-)
Thought I'd add something I recently observed. In Rocinha, girls look at you (err…me). There's hope for other gringos.
Adam, I'm going to come explore Rocinha soon. Not sure whether I should wear my wedding ring or not! ;)