The invisible language barrier
After waiting in the slow-moving supermarket line for 15 minutes, I finally found myself at the check-out – this was my moment. The girl had scanned all my items and I could see from the screen that I had to pay R$65 – no problem, I had my money ready. Then: disaster! She was asking me something but I had no clue what she was saying. It was clearly a question, but what did she want? She asked it again, a little louder this time and I could sense that the people behind me were all looking over now.
Panic set in, my heart rate increased as my mind desperately tryied to formulate a response. The section of my brain marked Portuguese seemed to have shut down and so my mouth just opened and closed like a goldfish!
The scene of many a stressy moment – the checkouts of ‘Extra’.
What felt like minutes was probably over in 10 seconds. She shook her head, shrugged and muttered something while taking my money. I hurriedly gathered my shopping bags, desperate to get out of the oppressive atmosphere. As I walked quickly towards the exit, she shouted to me again – by now I just wanted to run, but I looked back to see that she was waving my change at me. “Idiot!” I said to myself as I walked home, humiliated.
Language Anxiety
That was how my first solo trip to a supermarket in Brazil went. Of course when I was travelling in Latin America I used to find myself in situations like that all the time, but back then it didn’t seem to bother me. Perhaps it was because Spanish was easier to decipher (I had taken Spanish lessons before I left England), or maybe it was because, as a traveller, I was always just ‘passing through’ so it didn’t matter if I made a fool of myself. After all, I was never going to see those people again.
But when I settled down in Rio, it was different. Portuguese sounded completely weird to me, it was nothing like Spanish. And I found myself in these stressy situations all the time – in shops, on the bus, even in the street when someone asked me for directions.
Wow, I had no idea! They write books about this stuff! It seems that I’m not the only one who finds learning a new language somewhat stressful.
I think some people suffer with this anxiety more than others. There is a certain type of person who just doesn’t waste time worrying about things like this – I applaud you people, you are the lucky ones! I, on the other hand, had a crisis of confidence at the beginning – every bus journey or shopping trip became a challenge to be confronted and overcome.
Avoidance techniques to avoid
Some people find those first experiences so stressful that (consciously or subconsciously) they decide, “I’m not doing that again!” and the fear leads them to develop avoidance techniques. In case it isn’t obvious the “some people” I’m talking about here was me – I found myself shying away from certain tasks and situations because they held the potential for communication confusion.
For example, for a long time I would let phone calls go to voicemail if I didn’t recognise the number. Phone calls are really difficult at first because you don’t have any non-verbal queues (lip-reading and sign language) to help. To my shame, there were even times when I would get Mrs Eat Rio to do things for me – I guess I had built an invisible language barrier that was stopping me from doing all kinds of things. Not only is that pretty demoralising (“I can’t even make a phonecall!”) but by avoiding the challenges I was actually making it more difficult to improve. It’s something that I’ve really had to fight against.
Coping Mechanisms
Of course the long-term solution to all this is to learn the language – obvious! But what about that period when you’re just starting out? Well you might not be able to learn the whole language in your first few weeks, but you can learn how to say desculpe, não entendi (sorry, I didn’t understand) or não falo português muito bem (I don’t speak much Portuguese). Both of these phrases come across better than asking “Do you speak English?” [especially as the bus driver or check-out girl almost certainly doesn’t!].
Another tip: smile! An anxious, stressed face just looks grumpy and unfriendly, potentially making things worse. You might not feel like smiling, but it can lighten the mood and maybe even help you see the funny side of things. It’s really not such a big deal – it’s just a supermarket/bus ride.
Oh yes – after 2 and a half years I finally got one!
In case you were wondering, the vitally important question that the supermarket checkout girl so insistent in asking was “Do you have a loyalty card?” Once I worked that out I was able to simply smile and say não so we could move on with the transaction. But last week I finally got around to getting one – now I say YES!
Gonna tell you something: this is a great tip of a book !!!
I suffer less and less anxiety in Dutch after 12 years here.
It is not a language you learn (only) via books or grammar. They use lots of expressions, thousands of them. This in formal language as well (official papers, newspapers, university ambiance, medicine). It takes your whole life to master (and mentally understand the meaning) of some of them. It is considered an “impenetrable language” to foreigners for that reason I felt much humiliated about being able to earn a living in an export company talking and emailing to clients and providers in English / Spanish / French but just muttering Dutch. They use to judge the intelligence level of people by the time it takes them to master a language…. Embarrassing… I know people who leave a life here without following any TV shows, not being able to talk anything in Dutch (yes, it is possible, you can request documents to be sent to you in English. Work contracts, mortgage contracts, insurance etc.). The Dutch talk normally in English when they perceive a foreigner is hesitating… Oh, well, the Dutch speak with their own Dutch logic of grammar, Dunglish, and their particular accent. Can be ridiculous too.
I had a break though however some 5 years ago, don’t ask me why or how. I have decided to speak it and make my mistakes, what the hell ! I have never switched to English in the middle of a sentence since then. Not my fave language though – never will be. Fine.
Hey Ana,
My -Brazilian- wife also says that Dutch is not making any sense… I’m from Belgium.
I moved to Brazil almost 4 years ago and I must say that after 3 months I didn’t need my wife going with me to translate anymore. Ok, I made – and still make – a lot of mistakes, but I think I can say that my Portuguese is at an advanced level without ANY lessons. Just day to day conversations.
About expressions: Brazilians use a lot of those too :)
Good luck in Holland.
Hi Raf – 3 months?! That is amazing! In the UK we often think of Europeans (particularly people from your part of Europe) as being freakishly good at languages. We often wonder how you do it, but I guess it’s a matter of starting early and not being lazy. There are times that I feel very lucky to have English as my first language, but other times I suspect that if my first language had been something less widespread I would probably have picked up 2 or 3 extra languages by now. Anyway, your story inspires me – I must try harder!
My native language is Flemish… sort of Dutch, and in Belgium we all HAVE to learn French and English. That is the minimum. Belgians indeed have the reputation of being good at languages.
The only problem I have now is that the Portuguese made me lose some of my French :) I always end up using Portuguese words when I’m speaking French.
Anyways… when are we going to have that coffee? My new site (AngloINFO Rio de Janeiro) is going live tomorrow and I’m thinking about coming to Rio next week for some business and hopefully to do some house hunting.
Take care
Hmmm, I’d say most Flemish cannot French. And the Wallons do not care about Dutch. See K3… why those girls do not sing half of their songs in French as well ? They would reach a big Francophone market: the other half of their country, plus France (& a good deal of Switzerland, Canada, etc.). The only sentence I have ever heard they say in French is “qui est à l’appareil ? Allo, allo ! Wie heb ik aan de lijn ?”The Dutch learn some French at school but they strugle with it and most of them just use it ask a “cafeolé” (ahaha) in a bistro while in Paris or wonder how they would order “een croissantje” in the camping. Now serious: you are good in languages – as an exception to the Flemish people. Because latin languages are logic and learnable by grammar. I came to my first Spanish lessons already chatting with the teachers in Spanish and skipped several levels. After one year I was done with the 4 year course. Same with French, I was talking zoohzoohzooh after some weeks.But in Dutch I still get this warmth in my chest and I hyperventilate and get all red and my mouth dries and my head spins even if I am discussing for a good while AND withoutmaking mistakes. All the luck with you life in Brazil !
You guys know how I learned a lot of Portuguese? The “Monica” comic books and watching “Balanço Geral” with Wagner Montes (I know, right?). If you can understand Wagner, then you can understand any Brazilian, even the mineiros (although I shrugged when I heard bicicReta or aRmoço for the first time) It’s also funny how the people from SP use the “English R”, like in Amor or Verdade… Listen to Sabrina Sato if you have a moment. :)
Of course, my Brazilian partner has two children who were 2 and 9 when I got here, and if you want some authority at all, you need to speak Portuguese with them. Imagine trying to explain how to play chess to a nine year old in Portuguese after 4 months. Now THAT is good exercise because while my wife speaks good English, the kids don’t, and so you cannot “escape” by switching to another language when it gets hard. You get the dictionary out, use google translator (which is pretty good translating English to Portuguese if it is proper language BTW) struggle, struggle some more but in the end you succeed… Yey :)
Hi Ana – it is hard isn’t it? It has become clear to me that some people don’t find it nearly as hard as me. I wonder sometimes whether I am lazy (a common accusation for English speakers) or if I’m just not very gifted when it comes to languages. Probably a bit of both, but also the confidence issue does make things tough. I guess I’m a rather self-conscious person – I have always found myself more reluctant to attempt Portuguese when I have an audience and even worse when I know they all speak English to a high standard.
The bad thing about struggling with a language when you live in the country is that it really holds you back. It’s so integral to everything we do that it can be quite depressing when you’re struggling. I’m really pleased to hear you had a breakthrough – there is hope for me yet :)
Ana,
Probably French has been replaced with English over the past few decades, yes.
K3? you’re kidding, right? They are popular with 5 year olds :)
If you want a real FLEMISH girl who sings in French, I have one name for you: Axelle Red. She only sings in French and is awesome at it…
don’t give up hope, even the most unintelligent Belgian or Dutch person was able to learn Dutch, so I’m sure you can do it too. I think it is a matter of forcing yourself to do it instead of starting to speak English when it gets difficult.
Here’s a post I wrote long ago about what I found funny when Brazilians speak English: http://www.mirantesmt.com/2011/07/11/12-funniest-things-brazilians-say/
I remember this one – I wrote a couple of comments! Nice post :)
This was a great post! Your description of the way that a non-native speaker feels in a common situation like going to the grocery store was really effective….I could feel your pain! For many people, speaking a foreign language with strangers can be a challenge, almost like singing aloud in public. Nobody wants to do it unless they think they’re really good at it, but the only way you get good at it is by doing it.
I wonder if people who are high achievers in other aspects of their lives are more intimidated about speaking a foreign language if they haven’t yet achieved perfection? I’m just speculating here, but it might be one reason that very young children are usually more comfortable than adults when it comes to trying out a new language.
Your suggestion about smiling is a good one, too. I’ve found that when speaking with non-native speakers here in the US, if they smile, it’s very disarming and it makes me smile back, slow down, and do whatever I can to understand what they are trying to say.
Congratulations on getting your loyalty card….you earned it!
Thanks Phil! It really has been a struggle for me. I’m fairly sure that my main problem is just my personality – I’m naturally quite a shy person, quite self-conscious. That makes it really hard to speak when I know I’m making mistakes the whole time and sound like an idiot.
Of course you’re right that the only way to get better is to practice (and make those mistakes and learn from them!), but realising what you’re doing wrong isn’t always the same as being able to stop doing it!
One person’s simple task is another person’s gruelling struggle. I’m definitely getting there and I haven’t given up yet :)
“Your suggestion about smiling is a good one, too. I’ve found that when speaking with non-native speakers here in the US, if they smile, it’s very disarming and it makes me smile back”
Tom,
Add juggling to smiling and do them simultaneously when reaching the check out. Works like a charm (and you know I would never mislead anyone into a cultural faux pas).
I tried your suggestion while attempting to buy ovos mexidos and a glass of milk at the Kilo restaurant today. I ended up with egg on my face, but decided it wasn’t worth crying over…
You are not the only one… It’s very hard for me to understand what uneducated Brazilians are trying to say. If I (native Brazilian) can’t properly understand them, it’s clear that a foreigner learning portuguese will have a very hard time too…
They speak very fast and eat half of the words, their pronunciation is just awful! And the best part is that they tend to become kind of angry (in Rio) when you can’t understand them. I took my car to the cair repair shop last week and I had to ask the guy multiple times to repeat slower what he’s said.
An example: they say the word “bom” (good) as “bõ”.
Yes, learning a language is hard enough, but when you have strong accents and people using gíria as well, then it gets really hard! I often feel sorry for people who think they speak good English when they go to places like Liverpool, Newcastle or Scotland. Those accents can be hard even for other native English speakers to understand at first! :)
Yeah, I had a similar experience at a supermarket in Ireland, there they have something called “cashback” after you finish paying for your stuff, so the woman came up with “blblablabla want cashback blbalbla” and I asked: “What?” And the woman repeated slower and I would still not have a clue about what cashback means since it’s something that doesn’t exist at Brazilian supermarkets. But she was polite and patiently explained to me that “blabla want cashback blablabla” means that you can take money from your bank account directly from the cash drawer (well, I think it’s that, still not sure, lol, correct me if I’m wrong…)
Ha ha! Yes, that’s exactly what cashback is. It’s actually pretty useful if there aren’t any ATMs nearby. But if you’ve never heard of it (and why would you have?) when I can see that it would be a baffling question! :)
They get kind of angry in Minas Gerais too ;)
I try to not avoid the tough situations; it’s the only way to learn right? That being said, I’m on the precipice of boycotting certain stores in our small town where after a year of shopping there they still get cranky with my sotaque and/or lack of comprehension on either side. I mean, c’mon, when do I get to be treated like the regular customer (albeit one of the quirkier ones) that I am? There’s a flip side to this and that is that good customer service = patience.
Good points Malvina – I guess in the world of a supermarket checkout workers, customer service isn’t a big priority :) I have actually stopped using one local supermarket because of one checkout worker who refused to make eye contact, speak to me or acknowledge my thanks on multiple occasions. It really pissed me off – not sure if it was gringo prejudice or just that she was rude in general!