What you need to know about the Brazilian Family
Today I’m taking it easy and letting someone else do the work! I am delighted to say that Rachel from Rachel’s Rantings in Rio is guest posting! I’m sure many of you will already be familiar with Rachel’s blog – it’s a brilliant mix of observations on everyday expat life in Rio, comments on what’s going on in Brazil and in her life and all number of other things in between.
Below is a lovely piece on the idiosyncrasies of the Brazilian family – thanks Rachel! I couldn’t have said it better (and I wouldn’t have dared! ;))
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A Brazilian family is like an entourage, an opinionated and not necessarily accommodating entourage.
This is the “beauty” of a Brazilian family. They actually want to be a part of your everyday life. They would never kick their child out of the house at 18 yrs old. They sure as hell wouldn’t send him to a Scottish boarding school at 12. No, Brazilian families are like the mafia, you are a member for life and if you can live at home in your childhood bedroom so much the better.
Of course, just like the mafia, there are some definite perks. For starters, they love you. Seriously, I’m almost overwhelmed by the love and caring at times. As an American I don’t feel like I return the affection adequately. I’m not comfortable with people invading my red, white and blue bubble. I really have no idea what the Brits do with all the overt Brazilian affection. I’m sure that amount of hugging, kissing, calling, and chatting is far from what the Queen would consider proper.
As a foreigner, when you are really a part of a Brazilian family you know it. For starters you lose at least one Saturday a month, two if both of your spouse’s Grandparents are living. Those days are dedicated to the infamous Brazilian family lunch. By the way, the lunch goes from 12:30pm to 4pm.
[Tom speaking]: If there’s one thing Brazilian family likes, it’s a big group photo!
Skip it you say. You could if you want to spend half the next lunch excusing your previous absence, to all the 20 to 40 guests (depending on the size of the family) individually.
That being said, there is nothing more enjoyable than a Brazilian family lunch. Imagine 30 people, all of whom are related in some way or another (yes 3rd degree cousins twice separated count as family), crammed in a 130-meter apartment for hours. Entertainment comes in the form of gossip, teasing and the inevitable mini-bickering. It’s all a part of Brazilian passion, though I still suggest keeping an eye out for knives.
And this lunch is only a sample of our life together…until death us do part.
The Brazilian family has a need to know what’s going on. They want, need and have to be a part of every aspect of your life, from telling you which cleaning products to use to which school your children need to attend. They are on it! One of the few times a Carioca will actually show up on time is when it is to help a family member. Of course you should keep in mind that 10 minutes late isn’t late in Carioca time.
Don’t worry too much though. When you are a part of a Brazilian family you learn the way of the tribe. Thankfully they have our best interest at heart.
[Tom speaking again]: This is just part of my Brazilian family! When you have this many people backing you up, there’s not much you can’t do.
Hi Tom, I discovered your blog a few days ago and this is my first time leaving a comment.
That’s a great post by Rachel, very informative and entertaining.
I just had to say something about that second pic… I’m blown away by your family’s diversity!! Holy cow, that’s awesome!
Hi Louise! Good to have you on board :)
I know what you mean about that photo – it was a memento that we were all given at the end of the first really big family gathering I attended. It was amazing to see all the different faces and colours and features – one big happy Brazilian family!
There’s a dude in the first pic whose expression conveys “darn, picture time again: I was just in the middle of a botany update”. And beside him, with one hand on his shoulder, another chap is thinking “Let’s spend the afternoon taking pictures. Please! “. :-)
Ha ha! That night I learnt a new verb: Aguentar. As in “Por favor, pare! Não aguento mais!” ;)
Great post! And I loved the pictures! You’ve got a GIGANTIC family!
All credit to Rachel for the awesome post! I think she really pinned down how Brazilian families work. I have to say, I am still in the ‘adjustment’ phase because my British family allow a lot more space and time – I find the full-on Brazilian family quite overwhelming at times. But like she says, they really look out for each other and always have the best intentions.
Tom, you have to jump into it like a hungry man taking on rice and beans. Just take that shit up and deal with the stomach ache depois ;)
Mr Rant and I will be married for 9 years come the end of November. I have had a lot of time to adapt, and am yet still adapting. Personality/culture make for some complications. Though mastering the language and getting to know those close to the ones your loved one loves makes for pleasure.
On a total side note, I can’t wait for Alex to get his first Brazilian girlfriend. She is going to break him like a gypsy does a wild pony!
Ah ha ha! I wonder how long he’ll last before some hottie has him trotting in circles… :)
Hahahah @ Rachel! I guess you want to see the wild streak broken out of me!! I’m a wild one so we’ll see if that ever happens. I know I’m going to eat these words and I’ll be whipped within minutes.
@Tom, let’s hope its like, in 3 minutes. I’m needy if you know what I mean ;)
Tom,
Great post, you and Rachel, great job.
Loved the way you described the Brazilian family and I think you guys hit the nail in the head.
Brazilians are pretty much the opposite of an “individualistic” society, we are a big tribe, we all look out for one another. :)
Your pictures are also really cool, awesome looking bunch!!
Abracos
Ray
:)
Thanks Ray. It’s sometimes difficult to explain to Brazilians that the ‘Big tribe’ thing can be quite tough for people not used to it. But I’m working on it and they seem to be fairly patient. And as you say, they are a great looking bunch! :)
I love that Rachel guest posted – great subject, great read!
Thanks Brae – yes, I was super-happy that Rachel offered to guest post and she did a great job!
Hey Tom,
I stumbled upon your blog because we’re both nominated on the “expatsblog.com 2012” awards. I already “knew” Rachel and I think her posts are very open, honest, funny and always hitting the nail on the head…
Maybe us “expat bloggers of Rio de Janeiro” should get together for a coffee some time.
Keep up the good work.
Até mais,
Raf
Oh, and the best of luck with the Expat Blog Award :)
Hey Raf! Thanks for dropping by – that’s a great idea about a blogger get together. Knowing Rio we’ve probably passed each other on the street at some point without knowing (or maybe your motorbike passed my bus! :D ).
Excited about the awards – just need to work out how to bribe the judges! ;)
Well, it’s a busy place, so you’re probably right. about us having passed each other. Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen again :)
About the awards… I think it would probably be easier than bribing the judges, to ask your friends to go in and give a rating…
wow, did I just gave away my brilliant strategy? :)
You just got an extra subscriber :)
Thanks – you did too!
Great job Rachel! Tom – fabulous photos!
Thanks BAB :)
Nice photos…great post…the Brazilian family is really impressive and shocking if you aren’t used to it.
We have experienced some of it with our move here in Recife.
Toby
tobyandsarahonthemove.blogspot.com
Hi Toby – I know what you’re saying, it can be quite a shock when you’re first faced with it. Have you guys been ‘adopted’ by a Brazilian family then? Or do you have some other ties? Must be nice to be able to ‘dip-in’ and ‘dip-out’ when you want ;)
I would like to add an info that many expats seem to not notice. Those are not really “Brazilian traits”, they are actually “Portuguese traits”. My Mother is Portuguese and my father is Brazilian, and I was born in Rio, and I can guarantee you that my family in Portugal behave exactly the same way as my Brazilian side. They even make the big Saturday lunch on Sundays. I think Brazilians are just repeating a kind of behavior that came with the Portuguese colonization. It’s not that I want to burst any bubble, but if you visit Portugal some day and meet a Portuguese family you will see that there’s nothing really unique about Brazil regarding family affairs.
Cheers!
Hey BrazilianSoul! Thanks for your comment – what an interesting observation! I often find myself with a problem when it comes to trying to ‘explain’ what Brazilians are like: maybe my experience isn’t typical of Brazilians at all! Check it out, I described this conundrum in a slightly weird way that involves chicken sacrifice here.
I think what you’re saying is the other way round – this is typical of Brazilians, but not unique to them. I’ve heard that this form of large, close-knit family is also very common in countries like Spain and Italy, which follows the well-known stereotype of Northern vs Southern European countries don’t you think?
Portugal clearly left a very clear mark on Brazil – I am often struck by this at Christmas as I drink my vinho verde and eat bacalhau :D
” Entertainment flows like crack in Colombia” this line is very offensive and rude. Im coming across this because we were looking at it for one of my college classes and nothing screams more uneducated then only saying this line about Colombia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Jenny – thanks for your message and for alerting me to this. I spent 4 of the happiest months of my life in Colombia back in 2009 and 2010 and that beautiful country (and its lovely people) will always have a special place in my heart. I often see Colombians here in Rio (especially for carnaval) – I often stop and chat and they’re always super fun and friendly. I know Colombia, like Rio, has suffered with a reputation for crime and drugs which (in my opinion) doesn’t come close to reflecting reality. This was a guest post (i.e. written by someone else) back in 2012 and I imagine it was intended as a throwaway line rather than a serious comment on Colombia. All the same, that kind of casual prejudice can be just as infuriating and as it’s my website it’s my responsibility. My apologies – I’ll remove the offending line.
É exatamente assim hahahaha
Adorei o texto, parabéns kkk